What happens when you drop Benjamin Button in the town from The Witch and throw in a little True Blood vampire action? It’s Midnight Mass, now streaming on Netflix.
What is this show? A meditation on death? A vampire tale? A messy, self-indulgent mess? Yes.
[SPOILERS AHEAD]
The basic premise: 30-something startup bro returns to his island town after serving four years for alcohol-fueled vehicular manslaughter. Mom urges him to pray on it, but the town’s long-serving priest has disappeared. In his place at St. Patrick’s Church is an enigmatic but twitchy younger guy who guides Riley through AA and eventually develops an aversion to daylight.
Yeah, this priest is a vampire. The word “vampire” is never uttered, but people are drinking blood and bursting into flames in the sunlight, so you do the math. I have some questions, though.
Is that all there is, Riley?
I love a sad sack with puppy dog eyes and a defined jawline. So I was 100% ready for Riley (Zach Gilford) to become a seductive, True Blood-esque vamp who charmed the ladies and enacted his revenge on Father Creepy and his merry band of pious assholes over the centuries. Instead, Riley lasted one day, didn’t even get it on with Erin, and peaced out with the sunrise.
Bev is something, huh?
If I were Riley, and Bev marched into that rec center after I’d been turned and said all that shit (among other things), I’d be plotting when I could rip her throat out and leave her in the sun. But that’s just me.
Could you guys wrap it up?
I know people are stuck on an island, but if my neighbors talked this much about Jesus and death and whatnot, I’d probably sacrifice myself to the sun, too. Far too many scenes are examples of why the “show, don’t tell” rule exists.
Bev’s crazy talk is to be expected, and the priest high on his own supply? Sure. But we also had the doctor and the sheriff going on (and on) about something I eventually had to fast forward through. And Riley and Erin talking about what happened when we die? Does everyone have indepth meditations on life after death at the ready? This really needed to be a BBC mini-series; the Brits know how to weave a tight little mystery into four episodes and call it a day.
Anyone else expecting the whole island to get Benjamin Buttoned?
Now, I may be a “geriatric millennial,” but the actors playing Riley’s parents had makeup on that aged them, right? His dad is played by an actor (Elliott!) who’s only 11 years younger than him; mom is 10 years younger. And yes, this is Hollywood, but given the aging in reverse that was happening with the doc’s mom (and Erin’s baby), I expected Annie and Ed to also wake up sans wrinkles and gray hair at one point and for Riley to have a “Marty McFly sees Lorraine in 1955” encounter. But these two just kind of had a moment in the dark while the rest of the town was murdered, and that was that? Lame.
Speaking of, was the blonde in the boat after Riley turned it up to broil supposed to be Erin? Or was that the girl he killed?
Also …
- All the baby vamps can self-heal in a matter of hours, but the flying angel/demon is thwarted with just a few knife slices, and he can’t self-heal? Had no one thought of just clipping that bitch’s wings before?
- For the braintrust scheming to keep this contagion on the island, did we forget that Father Dementia got turned while traveling abroad? I can’t imagine there’s only one flying angel/demon prowling for snacks out there. Sorry guys, that shit’s not staying in Crockett. Let’s hope Warren and Leeza row themselves over to the CDC.
- Was there no paint on the island? Everyone’s fav church is looking rough, even with Bev’s rec center money. And that’s a loose plot point. Did she embezzle or what? What did she buy? Certainly not a blowout.
- The final line in the series is a callback to Can’t Hardly Wait? Classic.
