‘Runaway Romance’ Asks: What If Scott Disick Ditched the Kardashians for Amish Country?
So there’s apparently an entire genre of Hallmark-like Amish movies; people Not From Around These Parts falling for a simpler life and the often-muscular men who plow the fields.
Trevor Donovan and Danielle C. Ryan/Danielle Chuchran star in at least two of these flicks. They’re both extremely attractive Amish folk in Love Finds You in Charm, which you can watch on something called Pure Flix. In Runaway Romance, he’s more Amish-adjacent and she’s the city slicker, but the themes are similar. Cue it up on Amazon Video or Tubi, and let’s go.
Here for the Right Reasons
Runaway Romance asks the eternal question: What if Scott Disick ditched the Kardashians and ran away to live among the Amish in rural Kentucky?
It flips the script slightly; overbearing mom Veronica Adson (Tatum O’Neal) is managing the career of one son, not multiple daughters. But his name is Scott, and the Kris Jenner vibes are strong with Veronica, from the tiger-print cold shoulder tops to the family-centric reality show, Life with the Adsons, that she rules with an iron fist.
Trouble is, Scott’s long-time girlfriend Ann and her desires for a healthy relationship are reportedly a drag on ratings. So Scott and Veronica orchestrate her exit from the show so Scott can shack up with an emotionally volatile ex-girlfriend of his brother (classy). “She’ll bring some drama back to the show,” Veronica says.
Ann and her terrible brown wig are devastated. She takes off from LA in her assistant’s Pontiac Aztek (what’s up, Walter White), headed for her hometown of Scranton, Pennsylvania. (Because driving 3,000+ miles is always the best choice when you’re emotionally distraught.) In a motel later that night, she opens a suitcase to reveal a strategically placed bottle of blonde hair dye — A Transformation is nigh.
Miraculously, she manages to dye her very dark brown hair to a near-platinum blonde with one box of drugstore hair color, and gets back on the open road. She makes it to Kentucky, where the buzz about the demise of her relationship with Scott is VERY big news (the deejay on the local radio station comes back to it multiple times). Scott’s name then pops up on Ann’s caller ID, and it annoys her enough that she throws the phone out the window.
She immediately regrets that decision, of course, looks back to see where the phone landed and immediately drives off the road and into a ditch.
Enter the Local Townsfolk
The phone is ruined and the car is wrecked, so Ann sits by the side of the road on her fancy luggage. A minivan eventually happens upon her and out pops Jimmy and an Amish woman named Sarah. We know Sarah’s Amish by her clothes, of course, but also because she does not use contractions when she speaks (“I’m sorry, I do not have a phone”).
Jimmy’s not Amish; he just drives them around when they need to go farther than the horse and buggy can handle. But he has a buddy who can tow Ann’s car, while Sarah has a quaint Amish inn with a vacancy, so Ann throws caution to the wind and agrees to ride shotgun.
At the inn, Ann has a meet-cute with a tall, muscular guy who’s been fixing Sarah’s fence (not a euphemism). He’s Hunter (Trevor Donovan), and he’s 100x hotter than Scott. But don’t worry; this movie isn’t going to fix Ann up with a mere handyman. He’s actually an architect (of course he is) who’s been helping Sarah since her husband died a few months ago. “He is not taken by a woman,” Sarah says in a very normal way.
Southern Comfort
At a nearby diner, Jimmy is having his usual heart attack on a plate. We learn that he’s somewhat of a computer whiz, but dreams of a life of stardom in LA. When Life with the Adsons comes on the bar TV (because that’s what most rural bar patrons love), Jimmy says he doesn’t watch it because Scott is “way too full of himself.”
When he drives Ann to the mechanic the next morning, he specifies that he wants to be a reality star, not an actor. But he’s still not aware that he’s in the presence of reality royalty. Instead, he shoots his shot with Ann and asks her to lunch, but she declines.
You know who she doesn’t decline? Hot AF architect Hunter, of course. After the mechanic tells Ann it’ll take 10 days for her car to be fixed, she wanders into town in search of internet access, where she is almost run over by a surly Amish elder. She spots Hunter across the street and makes a beeline for him; “Ooh, wasn’t expecting this rain!” Ann says very convincingly, taking cover under an awning next to him.
Ann tells Hunter she’s heading to the library to check her email; Hunter says she can use the computer at his office. Hunter asks if she wants a coffee from the shop next door and she orders a convoluted drink. Silly girl, they don’t have almond milk and such around these parts; cream and sugar or GTFO.
With Hunter off procuring caffeine, Ann video chats her assistant Gretchen to get the gossip. Oddly, she doesn’t mention that she totaled Gretchen’s car (and might never return it?), but Gretchen seems more concerned with telling Ann that “the public” is on her side. Scott’s efforts to juice the ratings with his bro’s ex-GF have failed (in like a week?) and viewers are clamoring for Ann.
Hunter returns, at which point I notice that he doesn’t have even a hint of a Kentucky accent, but that’s neither here nor there. They chat for a bit, and Ann mentions that she’s from “a beautiful little town in Pennsylvania” (aka Scranton). Hunter has apparently never watched The Office.
Hunter offers to give Ann a ride back home, and they run into Surly Amish Elder outside, who tells Hunter cryptically that he has approved his proposal. Turns out, he’s Hunter’s uncle (his mom was Amish) and Hunter was asking for Amish assistance on a Habitat for Humanity house-building effort. Because of course this tall, hot small-town architect is also building houses for the less fortunate. (The actor playing Hunter is apparently a Habitat for Humanity ambassador in real life; art imitating life, etc.) And he asks Ann to help out; the meet-cute continues.
She Does Not Know Our Ways
Now’s probably a good time to mention that Ann did not dream of reality stardom like Jimmy. Instead, she always wanted to be a chef. And conveniently enough, Sarah is a terrible cook, so Ann teaches her the nuances of quiche and other foodstuffs.
Their cooking montage is interrupted by Surly Amish Elder, also known as Bishop. He takes Sarah outside to chide her for becoming chummy with Ann (“you are from different worlds”). The inn is not a real moneymaker, and the Bishop would prefer that Sarah shut it down and marry someone named Jeremiah. “Do not let pride cloud your judgment,” he says, which is usually the best way to a woman’s heart.
Back inside, Ann tells Sarah that she needs to live her purpose, “not the purpose other people make for you.” You see, they are both going through similar situations even though they are Very Different. Ann suggests she put her social media skills to help Sarah market the inn.
At the Habitat for Humanity site the next day, Ann awkwardly hammers some nails and then helps Hunter “thread some wire” (wink wink). A mouthy neighbor of Hunter’s shows up and tells Ann she looks just like some reality TV star, though that chick was “super boring.” (You can tell she’s a villain because of the red hair and off-the-shoulder ensemble.) Hunter still has no clue, and later asks Ann to dinner; she immediately agrees.
At dinner, they trade relationship war stories; when Hunter reaches for Ann’s hand, she pulls away. “You don’t even know me,” Ann says. “That’s easy to fix,” Hunter responds. Aww, yeah.
Unfortunately, Jimmy is outside with a tele-photo lens, snapping pics of Ann and Hunter getting cozy. You see, Scott has offered a reward to anyone who can track down Ann, and Jimmy finally put two and two together. You probably see where this is going.
When Jimmy gets Scott on the horn, Scott asks, “How do I know you’re not just after the reward?” Uh, why else would he be doing this, my dude? But Jimmy does actually have ulterior motives; a spot on Life with the Adsons.
Cave Dwellers
Hunter picks Ann up for a romantic date to a … cave?
It’s actually one of those cavern places with stalactites and shit, but Hunter and Ann have it all to themselves. After a gentlemanly gesture of offering his jacket to a chilly Ann, Hunter finally goes in for the kill and they make out.
Hopefully there were no corona bats in there.
Upon arrival back at the inn, Hunter and Ann spot Ann’s car, which the mechanic has dropped off. Which means Ann will be on her way? Nah, she has all that marketing to work on with Sarah. The romance continues!
Actually guys, can you turn your heads like 90 degrees to your right? Because someone else was en route to Kentucky while you were spelunking. It’s Scott, of course, who leaps out of his car to tell Ann he’s learned his lesson and that letting her go was the worst decision of his life.
Now, Scott doesn’t mention a reality show. He does not have a camera crew with him. So all Hunter really knows is that Ann’s ex-boyfriend has been trying to get in touch with her and she’s been ignoring him. Seems like a normal thing to do when someone breaks up with you, no? The only thing that’s even remotely off is that Ann says “oh, is that how you’re spinning it?” when Scott talks about the end of their relationship. And YET, Hunter gets Big Mad and storms off.
Scott, meanwhile, has the gall to criticize Ann for going on a date with someone else. She blows him off and heads inside, where Sarah is still busy being Amish … sort of. Before Ann can explain, Sarah pulls a smartphone out of a side table and confesses to some internet-ing on occasion. In fact, Sarah is more plugged into the world’s gossip than Ann, and says she’s known who Ann is for a while now.
Ann heads to Hunter’s office, where he says he’s Googled her and now knows The Truth. Again, why would Hunter’s first instinct be to Google Ann (what would he even type in?) after her ex-boyfriend shows up in the driveway? If he didn’t recognize Ann, it’s unlikely he’d recognize Scott, so this plot point is puzzling.
Instead of having an adult conversation, he insults Ann (“Nice job on the hair, by the way”), which is kind of unnecessary. Ann says she didn’t tell him because she wanted him to get to know her, not the reality star. He doesn’t answer (but you can tell he’s having Deep Thoughts) and she walks out.
Back at the inn, Bishop has arrived to once again pressure a grieving widow with a struggling small business into ditching it all for … his son? Yep, Jeremiah — the guy Bishop wants Sarah to marry — is Bishop’s son. “Way to bury the lead, Sarah,” Ann deadpans. Sarah basically tells him where he can stick it and that Ann will help her with the inn.
Speaking of men who can’t take a hint, Scott arrives with his reality TV cameras and two local news crews. Rather than going into the house and calling the cops, Ann agrees to return to LA and profess her love for Scott on TV if he promises not to involve the fine people of this simple Amish town. Which seems odd since Ann’s reason for staying in Kentucky was to help Sarah’s inn get more publicity, but the plot must move ahead! Scott seemingly has the power to control the local media because with the one simple “wrap it up!” flick of the fingers, the crews jump in their trucks and head off.
Like Hunter, he also makes a rude comment about her appearance (“I need to look your best when we live stream our magical reunion today”) before exiting stage left himself.
If doing a live stream instead of a staged, taped episode like every other reality show on earth seems risky, well it is, obviously.
Remember Jimmy? He confesses to Ann and Sarah that he sent Scott the photos of her and Hunter, and wants to make amends. Ann brings him along to the live-stream taping (apparently 8 million people are waiting to watch?!), where Scott agrees to let him be a background actor.
Ann then picks a fight with Scott, who tells her she was “a small-town nothing until I pulled you out of that catering job and made you star.” Scott’s mom Veronica is also in Kentucky and comes over to tell Ann to get off her high horse and to “look pretty” as they roll cameras. One problem: they have been rolling during the whole exchange. Perhaps you also recall that Jimmy is a computer whiz? “You’ve been hacked!” Ann exclaims triumphantly.
10 million people saw Scott be an ass to Ann, which I’m sure will ruin his “career” — because if we’ve learned anything from reality TV, it’s that no one likes conflict or pettiness.
Jazz Hands
On the hillside, Hunter awaits.
Not even kidding; dude is just standing on a nearby hilltop, perfectly coiffed blond hair awash in sunlight. “You really know how to put on a show,” he tells her after she hoofs it up next to him.
“Yeah, well, that was my finale,” she responds.
Hunter says he was just worried she was going to leave. Well, yeah, that’ll happen when you ignore her and insult her hair. All’s forgiven, though; they make out near the horses. Roll credits.
