Want to Spend Christmas in Evergreen? Good, Because You Have No Choice

Trash TV
3 min readDec 16, 2017

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Though Allie has “simple tastes” she’s relocating from small-town Vermont to DC to see if she and long-distance boyfriend Spencer can make it in the same city. But Mother Nature does not want Allie to leave. “Come play with us, Allie,” the Christmas gods command. And Allie happily does their bidding. This is…Christmas in Evergreen.

Why are these people not concerned about missing their flights?

I’m the type who likes to get to airports early, so Allie and Ryan’s nonchalance about catching their flights stresses me out. Not only is Allie relying on a truck that frequently doesn’t start to get her to the airport, but she makes pit stops at the Christmas festival and a farm along the way. Ryan and Zoe, meanwhile, apparently have time to window shop in a quaint little Vermont town before getting back on the road to the airport. Screw Christmas cheer, WHAT IF THE SECURITY LINE IS LONG?!

That blizzard certainly crept up on everyone, huh?

This is Vermont, you would think people would be aware that a huge blizzard was blowing into town — one big enough to shut down an entire airport within minutes. But no, everyone is stranded. And yet, a day or two later, though, in shots of the main drag, there’s maybe 2–3 inches on the ground.

Oh, and then a rock slide!

How can we trap our characters in Christmas Town? Block all the exits, of course! For some reason, Mayor Ezra, the boy king, believes this could have been solved by having an app, but that’s neither here nor there.

Barbara didn’t have a Christmas tree yet?

Zoe wants to do something nice for wannabe inn keeper Barbara, which is lovely, so the gang decides to buy her a Christmas tree. But despite the fact that there’s garland and other holiday doo-dads EVERYWHERE in Barbara’s house, she doesn’t have a tree yet, days before Christmas? Color me skeptical.

Convenient plot points, ahoy!

Evergreen just happens to be in need of a doctor, and Ryan waxes poetic about wanting to be a small-town doctor so he can spend more time with Zoe. Just in case you like your foreshadowing to slap you in the face.

A helicopter from DC to Vermont?

Spencer apparently hops a company helicopter from DC to Vermont, which is more than 500 miles. He also talks about taking that helicopter from DC to the Hamptons, which is about 325 miles. If I’ve learned anything from watching The Bachelor, helicopter are for short jaunts.

Spencer is not staying with Allie?

I know this is a Hallmark movie, but these two have been together for 2+ years, and Allie’s moving to DC for this guy. But she’s going to put him up in the not-quite-ready local inn rather than just shacking up (or putting him on the couch)? Ryan’s not your boyfriend, girl; get you some.

Is everyone dead?

No one ever actually leaves Evergreen. Maybe this is like that French town in Les Revenants, where the road out of town is just a circle that sends you right back to where you started. What about Spencer, you ask? That helicopter totally ran out of gas and crashed en route to Evergreen. Merry Christmas!

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Trash TV
Trash TV

Written by Trash TV

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