You, Me & The Christmas Trees: A Festive Forestry Love Story About 2 People Who Are Definitely 27

It’s late October, so you know what that means: Hallmark’s Christmas movies have commenced! Can I watch them all? I’m going to try. Strap in for all the hot cocoa-infused meet-cutes you can handle. First up: You, Me and The Christmas Trees.

PLOT: The trees at Connor’s Christmas Tree Farm have seen better days. With just days until Christmas Eve and the town’s big tree lighting, farm owner Jack is worried about his business going under and disappointing his late father. Can evergreen specialist Olivia Arden figure out what’s killing these trees and prevent Jack’s archrival Wayne from stealing his customers?

WHAT’S GOOD

• Olivia is played by Danica McKellar of Wonder Years fame, and there’s a fun Easter egg in the movie for fans of the 80s-era series: Wayne is played by Jason Hervey, aka Wayne Arnold from The Wonder Years.
• There are countless holiday movies set on Christmas tree farms, but the “trees are dying” plot…seems unique? It’s a little dark for a Hallmark flick, which I appreciate (a gentle nod to Halloween perhaps?), though of course things turn around right quick.

WHAT’S BAD

• At one point, Jack is showing Olivia some family ornaments (that have been sliding off the branches of his decrepit trees) and remarks that one such bauble is from the year he was born, “27 years ago.” I literally rewound this scene three times to make sure I heard that correctly. No shade to Benjamin Ayres; dude is a handsome man. But he does not look 27. IMDb tells me he’s 44, while Danica McKellar (Olivia) is 46. Why pretend these two are 20-somethings? Gen X needs love, too!
• Olivia’s mom is portrayed as an uncaring social climber. When Olivia cancels her Christmas Eve wedding, mom revives her annual Christmas Eve party, and is perplexed as to why her (clearly introverted) daughter Olivia might not want to attend. By the end of the movie, however, it takes just one speech from Olivia for mom to change her ways. A tad convenient.
• Speaking of, Wayne is the tree killer who (almost) ruined Christmas, and his weapon of choice is a HUGE tank of herbicide that he and his henchmen left out in the open on a truck bed. Didn’t really need Carmen Sandiego to crack that case.

OKAY, WRITERS

Hallmark makes dozens of Christmas movies each year, and they can’t all be Oscar-worthy, but that often results in amusing writing choices and unintentional sight gags. A few of my favorites here:

• Olivia has a degree in forestry, and we know this because of the framed certificate on her wall that says DEGREE IN FORESTRY. A bachelor’s? A PhD? From where? Who knows and who cares? But all that book learning has turned her into the Christmas tree whisperer, so don’t ask questions.
• Jack is now living in his childhood home after his mom moved on to more manageable accommodations. How do we know this? Because Jack remarks that “You didn’t have to move into that active adult community.” Which is a very specific way to refer to it.

WHAT’S THE CONFLICT? Every Hallmark movie needs a misunderstanding in act three that almost tears the lovebirds apart, but never does. Here, it’s Olivia recommending that Jack branch out beyond Christmas trees (which is something she could help out with since she is queen of the wood nymphs), but Jack is reluctant to change anything because of a promise he made to his dad. A tough love pep talk from mom changes that, though, and conflict be gone!

FINAL SCORE: Run-of-the-mill Hallmark fare, which lagged a bit in the middle with all the random holiday events set up to help Olivia and Jack fall in love. 5/10

IF THIS WERE ON HBO: Olivia kills her fiance in a drunk-driving accident, and after three years behind bars, she’s at a sober living facility, picking up holiday hours at Connor’s Christmas Tree farm. She’s angry at the world, and Jack is worried about the family business and his mom’s declining health; he moved back home after she had a few accidents at the home she refuses to sell. It’s a testy relationship between Olivia and Jack at first; Olivia isn’t really giving off friendly Christmas vibes to customers. And Jack is focused on saving the family business while also feeling like he’s wasted his life bagging Christmas trees. Together, though, Olivia’s forestry background helps turn the business around and Jack helps Olivia forgive herself. Evergreen, a limited mini-series coming to HBO Max in December.